worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
