I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Randomize
