you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Everything about him screamed your future.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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