he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Randomize
