can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Randomize
