also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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