Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
