If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Randomize
