Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
