after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
