please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
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