I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
