dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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