he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
