The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
