if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Randomize
