the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
