Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
