Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Randomize
