you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
How's work?
Spinning.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Randomize
