Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
