please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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