made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
