drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
