I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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