Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
