This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
