I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
