She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
