he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
