one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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