dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
