Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Randomize
