you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
we're so committed to being not committed
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
