hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
