So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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