Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Randomize
