It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
