sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
