Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
