God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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