Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
