Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
