Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
