I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Randomize
