Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
