is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
