You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Randomize
