sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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