ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
